TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He felt like a one man threesome
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
