just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
