Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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