she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
