Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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