Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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