You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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