can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
