Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
