He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
you made out with another girl for some wings
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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