Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Randomize
