It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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