I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
