I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
