i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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