Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
