It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
