I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
