Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We have so much sex to catch up on
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
