I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
