I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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