He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
