I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
