so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
As shirtless as possible
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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