hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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