Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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