I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
