ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
