I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just had sex on a roof
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
