I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
