I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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