If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
