you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
