i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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