I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
