I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
