Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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