...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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