I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
