Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
