Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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