If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
