So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
