Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
wow bdsm is so cute
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize