after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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