You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
