the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
