Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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