is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
