Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
People in love make me want to vomit
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
