The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
