i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
