sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
