I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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