do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize