her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
