It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
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I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize