final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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