Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
