nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
