Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
