I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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