Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
