Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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