he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
