cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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