it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
