I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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