I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
