thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
