i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing