I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.