I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dating After Heartbreak
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.