i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
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$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
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I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.